The Lessons of Passion
Posted Mon Jan 31, 2011 10:29 AM
"The lessons of passion"
"Ecstatic truth" rendering of a real experience between a young man and his piano teacher
O sages standing in God's holy fire
As in the gold mosaic of a wall,
Come from the holy fire, perne in a gyre,
And be the singing-masters of my soul.
Consume my heart away; sick with desire
And fastened to a dying animal
It knows not what it is; and gather me
Into the artifice of eternity.
I was already studying percussion, but had to improve my piano skills for the entrance exams for college and my theory teacher proposed that I start learning with Tania, a classical concert pianist that also gave private lessons.
I was an eighteen years old music student at the time, quite handsome by girls' opinion and Tania was a thirty-one year old, beautiful woman with nice small breasts, mesmerizing smile and warm eyes.
She possessed the classy grace many female classical musicians have. Elegant lines, strong hands of a pianist, tasteful and a bit conservative taste for fashion. When I met her for the first time she instantly became my "wet dream".
I was distracted by her beauty for the first time, but then we began serious work and I forgot about it and had to concentrate on other things, but when I came home, a very strong urge overwhelmed me and I had to masturbate a couple of times in a row thinking about that gorgeous woman.
Her origin was from Ukraine, so she had a slightly "exotic" look (at least from my perspective), combined with her charisma and maturity that was overwhelming for my crazed teenage libido.
She pursued her career as a concert pianist, so she didn't have time for relationships and lived alone in a big 19th century flat that needed some renovation, but had a lot of charm with massive furniture, big windows and much light, old paintings and the centerpiece - the Fazioli grand piano.
I went to private lessons there and I eagerly awaited every Wednesday when we met. I was a sloppy pianist, a wild teenager that didn't like to practice much and she was very strict with me, reminding me of errors, getting angry when I didn't practice enough, but we also became good friends during the year.
I was a rather mature teenager, interested in art, philosophy and many times she cooked us tea and simple improvised dinner and we talked over it for an hour or two after the class. Every time I came home I closed myself in my room and masturbated wildly with closed eyes thinking of Tania. I couldn't get enough, so after I did it with a hand, I had to find more arousing ways and used rolled towels with some face cream or olive oil inside to simulate a more realistic penetration.
I was fantasizing about how she positions my hands properly with hers over mine, we look each other in the eyes, she notices my passion and orders me to continue playing, while she slowly unbuttons my jeans and reaches into my pants, with a surprised look in her eyes ensuing, and continues - like it is nothing special - to caress my heavily erect cock, gentle caressing slowly developing into masturbation - softly speaking while doing it: "boy, you have to relax, relief the tension, play with soft, smooth moves, let it flow, breathe slowly and deeply, don't be nervous". Actually she was saying similar things at classes, but she was speaking of music and my oversexed teen aged mind translated them into erotic talk for masturbation.
She must have noticed how I felt about her at our meetings, since it is hard to conceal that, especially from a sensitive woman, and she treated me like some fragile boy that must be approached with care. Almost like she was afraid to do something wrong or maybe hurt my feelings. She was still firm and strict regarding the lessons, but after we finished it was like speaking with a different person - she changed, became my friend, not teacher, often leaned on my shoulder, kissed my cheek friendly, going through my hair with her hand lovingly, even teasingly commenting how strong I became and if I work out - I told her that I do free climbing, which was my past time then - and she said that this is good for strength, but not for the flexibility of fingers...
I became more relaxed in her presence and even dared to return small affections, touched her shoulder or arm softly in conversation when making some point or getting attention, commenting what a nice new haircut she got, even grabbed her hand gently when I dragged her to show her something, kissed her on the cheek for greetings, etc. I noticed that the look in her eyes changed from the first meetings. She looked at me with affection, but I couldn't read if it was just a nice friendship look or if it was something more. I didn't know very well how lust in the eyes looks, but now I know what it was.
I deliberately dressed in tight jeans and sexy t-shirts, showing the lines of my strong young body, I had a dreamy look that I still have and that somehow had an effect on girls around me, so apparently it also worked on her, too.
The most important "accident" for the new direction of our relationship happened one day when we parted after a long talk and a crazy good dinner she prepared - it was in Italian style, many fresh vegetables, tomatoes, some bruschettas with pesto genovese, slices of mozzarella and some fresh pineapple at the end and she reluctantly even poured me a glass of Chianti. I was almost "high" from good food, glass of wine and her presence. So, when we kissed goodbye, I accidentally kissed her on the lips, not on her cheek as usual - I still remember the smell, sweet taste and the tender softness of that accidental kiss that turned my stomach in a knot - and she looked at me hazy and confused. My head spinned with hundreds of thoughts going through it; from quickly saying goodbye and leaving, or maybe rather apologizing, or just smiling foolishly and wave goodbye, or... embracing her waist, dragging her closer, our bodies touching and kissing her again, which I wanted to do with all my being.
My knees jerked at the thought of that, maybe it was the rush of blood, but I almost collapsed and she caught me, which made me stumble on her and I involuntarily had to embrace her, and her lips instinctively found mine again, this time intertwining in a wet kiss, tongues reaching out and we started breathing deeply, embracing passionately her waist, her hands all over my head, caressing passionately, then she suddenly looked at me with a cold look, like being awaken from a trance, and pushed me away, still breathing heavily, saying "we shouldn't be doing this... how old are you anyway?" but she already knew that. The blood rushed into my head and I went all red, while still being hellishly aroused and having almost painful erection, begging to be let out of my now too tight jeans - I just collected my things without uttering a word and rushed out of the flat. I was running the whole way to my home.
When I arrived at home I was completely distressed. I threw my bag on the bed, stripped all my clothes off and sat in a shower letting warm water rain on me and clear my head. I was joyously euphoric but sad at the same time and I vented my feelings with a soft cry, while I was strongly stroking my still (or again?) erect cock, almost mixed with anger and despair, water washing away my emotions and sperm. "You're a mess, man... It feels so good. Mmmmm... She is incredible! Oooh that kiss, her body against mine!.. Fuck! Did I let that woman too deep under my skin, what is happening to us?" I sat on the floor of the bathroom for an hour, my head completely empty of thoughts until finally calming down. I narcissistic-ally looked at myself in the mirror, boosting my confidence, "you are o.k., you should not loose your head like that over anyone... but it is Tania...angelic being... fuck, just stop it, stop it, man!"
The next few days went on in an awkward anticipation. "Should I call her? Will she? How about our next lesson? Should I turn out at all at her place next Wednesday?" All those thoughts driving me mad with complex emotions and teenage hormones going crazy, so each day I masturbated thinking of our "accident" and fantasizing what all could happen in a frantic delirium.
On the third day she called at my house. I heard mother calling me from the hall, "Telephone for you, it's Ms.Tania!"
I hardly uttered "hello" with a dry broken voice... long silence on the other side. "Hi"... another long pause in which I listened to her soft, a bit agitated breathing, making me madly nervous.
She finally spoke very gently and slowly, "About the other day... you know I really like you as my friend... eehm... a friend, Sebastian.... It was very difficult for me to call you, now. Don't think it wasn't. I was afraid you would hurt yourself running so wildly away... What was I thinking! Nothing probably. I know you like me... and to be fair, I really like you... I think you are a beautiful person, but you're still a kid and I am... I am much older than you... We can't let that happen again, it will become a burden for us..."
I didn't know what should I say, my mind went completely blank again. I spoke with completely strange and broken voice "Khm, I guess I shouldn't come to our lessons anymore...?" I felt the salt of tears on my lips. "I'll bring the last payment I owe you" My mind went angry "What?? What an idiot you are, why bringing up this now..."
"O.k., Sebastian, come tomorrow in the afternoon, I have a spare moment and we can talk. I think we should talk...What do you think?"
"I think I adore you, that's what I think" "Ehm, yes... yes I'll come, I'll bring the payment, what was it... a hundred?"
"Yes, something like that, see you then." click. click. I was just standing there with a phone in my hand until I realized that my mother is watching me across the hall with a worried face. "Are you OK?" Do you have problems with your studies?"
"No mother, I have problems of life and death" I thought with my melodramatic teenage mind that grew a bit angry with parental interference. "What does she know, why should she care, can she feel that strongly at all?" Little did I know that I inherited much of my passion and sensitivity from that dear woman.
"No, no problems, I just forgot some materials at Tania's place. I'll go get them tomorrow after school. " I doubt she believed me, but she just smiled gently, patted my head and said "you know you can talk to me if you have any trouble, and I mean ANY. Everything can get solved one way or another"
"Oh, and I have to make the last payment" I said casually.
"So soon? Is the month around already? Ok, I'll get you the money, don't worry about that, very nice of her to give you such a generous discount, anyway."
"If you knew, mother... if you just knew..."
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I was standing in front of her door in the dark old house's hall for a few very long minutes, listening to the echoes of the outside world, sounding like coming from some other, unreal reality and the beautiful, true reality I wanted to be part of was awaiting on the other side of that door. I finally rang the bell... female voices approaching.
Bright light blinded me through opening door and like two fairies, the two women came into my slowly returning sight. "Hi, Seb" said Marina, Tania's best friend about whom I knew a lot from our talks, but never met before. She was also a very attractive woman, a viola player, who went to the same music academy as Tania. She was one of the only people with whom Tania shared secrets. Obviously I was not a "secret" to her anymore, judging by her naughty smile and shining eyes.
I just stood at the door and stared like an idiot at two giggling women. "Oh, it's like that, now, Tania, I am a joke to you now... why did I go through all that emotional drama, while it's all FUN to you!", I probably got an austere look in my eyes from that thought and I noticed that Tania was not smiling completely relaxed, she looked at me with a sort of sadness in the eyes. God, how beautiful that woman was to me.
"I was just leaving" said Marina and sent Tania a curious look. I greeted awkwardly and walked past Marina, who gave me a judging look from head to toes, towards the couch in the living room. She was much more sparky and extroverted person than Tania, also a bit younger - I didn't like her at the moment at all - I wished she would go away as soon as possible. I heard her whisper to Tania at the door "I completely understand you, my girl, completely!" and the door closed into a deafening silence. I stared at the floor and didn't dare to raise my gaze towards Tania.
She slowly walked towards me and raised my head with her hands. I was electrified by her touch, shivers running through my spine. "Look, it is no big deal. I did some more thinking about it. It is natural. You're a man... ehm... a boy... and I am a woman. We get attracted if we hang around and like each other so much. You don't have to feel guilt or shame about it. I don't either, let us forget about the incident and you can still come to my lessons."
She sounded very convinced and unnatural, almost like she rehearsed that little speech. I listened, but could not think in any rational terms - I looked directly into her eyes, sending her all my affection and passion through my gaze, softly saying - and I don't know where that came from - "Does it really matter what we are... how we are, isn't that what we started something overwhelmingly beautiful?"
"Was that me thinking or did it come from outside myself, my future self maybe? Is that possible?" I smiled in my mind, feeling comforted by my newly found determination.
She was still leaning above me, holding my face in her hands looking at me seriously and I saw a bit of her left breast peeking through her loose white blouse. I got madly aroused again, remembering all our affections, my torments and fantasies in the last few days and I just did an unspeakable thing - reached out and with a trembling hand touched her breast. The fullness and softness of that touch remained with me till today. It seemed like my hand moved almost involuntarily, the rest of my body being frozen on the couch. I expected protest, but I saw surrender in her eyes. We didn't speak anymore. Our breathing got deeper, I thought my pants would explode, a rush of blood in my head caused me to see a bit hazy - her face approached mine like a surreal hallucination, the evening light through the big windows painting the whole scene with impressionistic colors.
I felt her lips on mine again, I opened my mouth obediently, ravenous steamy kisses making my body completely mellow - she slid into my lap, like in a reversed and erotic "Pieta", pressing her body against mine gently. I embraced her bum and instinctively placed her over my cock - we were long past holding back in just a few heated moments - my vision cleared for a moment and I glanced her gaze - she was not "there" anymore, I listened to her breathing deeply next to my ear, her now slightly wet face rubbing against mine, her lips eagerly searching for more kisses - we wanted to devour each other - the breast in my hand turned fuller and the nipple was harder, I started caressing it - she moved her leg over mine and was now sitting directly over my crotch - I pressed her body closer to me, causing an outburst of muffled moans from both of us since our genitals rubbed against each other in that maneuver. We instinctively started repeating the move, still fully dressed, only her breast that I felt was now disclosed. I could feel her heart beating fast on my chest - I remembered, "this is the gentle woman I worshiped on a pedestal, I can feel her now with my whole body". I voraciously kissed the whole of her beautiful face; nose, eyes, chin, forehead, cheeks, ears, diving back into the deep wet kisses that drove us into a vortex of passionate delirium.
I stopped for a second to look at her face - her eyes were half closed, mouth gaping for air, chest moving with deep breaths - she looked exhausted from the onslaught of passion, locks of her hair sticking to her wet blushing face - we were lost in the embrace... the world stopped existing right there and then.
The only comfort in the long week that ensued, in which we didn’t dare to meet again was the memory of that special evening, combined with my best efforts to release the overpowering tension.
I couldn’t believe what happened. We didn’t move further from a very hot kiss and passionate embrace, and we just sat there in eternal embrace, feeling our hearts beating wild. After an hour or so we freshened up and she escorted me half way to my home, holding my hand in the warm night, both of us emotionally stirred and remaining silent for the whole walk. We gently kissed on the lips for farewell, I tried to grab her and press her against my body again, but she declined, messed my hair, kissed me on the cheek and left me alone in the neon-lit alley.
I didn’t come to the next class and she didn’t call either. It was already two days past our regular rehearsal meeting and I was going mad with erotic agony and bitter-sweet longing.
I decided to go to her place unannounced.
I stopped a couple of houses away from her flat, watching the front door like some stalker. I thought “C’mon, she likes you, you can visit, what bad can become of this all?”
I hesitated for a second and then rang the bell. Nobody was home… I knew she must come soon, since I knew her usual schedule, but maybe she had some unexpected errands… I don’t control her life… At that thought I experienced strong feelings of jealousy: Who is she with, are they laughing at me with her girlfriends or does another man, especially a man of her age escort her to some activity right now and I am left out??
I experienced the feeling of the “need to control” that destroys many relationships and there I was – a poor teenager, hardly experienced with girls, much less with women and all the complexities of mature relationships - lost in exaggerated affects.
I sat on the stairs and soon fell asleep in the dark of the hall. A familiar voice woke me up and I jumped up in excitement. She came home.
She smiled at me warmly, saying, “Falling asleep, lover?” I blushed as only I could blush – like a complete bloody idiot!
I mumbled: “Hi! ...I had to see you again…”
“I’m glad that you came back” she uttered with a soft voice.
“I was expecting you, but didn’t want to call, I couldn’t imagine talking to your mother after what we did the last time”; her eyes looking at the floor and now she was blushing like a shy little girl. What a graceful being that was. I was admiring her silhouette, her long hair falling on her shoulders so gracefully, the smooth fabric covering her beautiful lines, exposing a patch of skin here and there, making me remember her uncovered breast from our last encounter, producing an immediate reaction in my pants.
“What will we do my dear boy?”
“I don’t know…I want to kiss you again” I said honestly.
She stood there silently for a few eternal moments.
“You are too young” she said with cold determination in her trembling voice.
“I wasn’t too young the last time” I said a bit angry, but sad in my mind.
“I know, I know, but it is not appropriate… if anyone would learn about it…”
“Nobody has to know”, said I, exhibiting my newly found confidence, fueled by lust.
“Don't you want me?” was my next try.
She went to the piano and struck a dramatic chord. I glimpsed a score of Schnittke’s “Piano Concerto for Four hands”, which was way out of my league of performance. I couldn’t join her even if I wanted to so badly.
She immersed into playing, striking wild dissonant chords. I approached and sat down next to her, feeling her warm hip next to mine. I caressed her hair, kissing her on the cheek; she stopped playing, her hands remaining on the piano keys. I slid my hand down her naked arm, enjoying the soft skin down to her fingers, entwining them with mine and turning her over to me to witness her lost gaze.
I stood up and silently led her by the hand to the bedroom, surprised at my confidence and daring.
I noticed her breasts lifting with agitated breathing, but she didn’t utter a single word.
I already read quite a few books on sex and also saw a few adult films, not to mention some heavy petting I already experienced with the girls my age, so I was at least “theoretically” familiar with the situation, that none the less pushed blood into my head, making me dizzy and entranced.
I was in her bedroom before, when she allowed me to rest - I came to practice after the tennis training a few times and was very exhausted afterward. I would lie down to rest a bit in her bed while she would prepare us something for dinner - it was always very sensual for me – I smelled her scent on the pillows, becoming all dreamy and aroused.
And now here we were, standing together next to her bed - I silently put her down on her back and tried to lift her dress. She reacted like being awakened from the trance again – grabbing my hand by the wrist and looking at me severely, still saying nothing. I pushed to free my hand and stood back watching her lying on the bed; my cock wanted to explode in my jeans.
I approached her again; she looked away from me, but didn’t move or protest. I gently rolled her on her belly and she silently cooperated. I pulled her dress up, exposing her behind. Oh, what a sight that was – a beautiful female ass, only a soft white panties covering the most intimate parts, being in the way of my lustful pursuit.
I leaned closer and kissed her on the bum. She shivered. I took her panties down with sweating hands. I noticed how the panties reluctantly parted from her crotch, almost like being stuck to her pussy. There was a string of flashy sticky fluid being attached to the off going panties and connected to the gaping pussy, peeking from below the bum.
I broke the shiny liquid string with my finger and brought it to my nose to smell. My brain went wild with that scent and the sight of her invitingly opened aroused sex.
I unbuttoned my pants, releasing the suffocating cock and making it fall on her ass. She let out a strange sound at that sensation and instinctively lifted her behind slightly as in invitation. I lay on her, clumsily placing my cock on her pussy. I thought “is this really happening?”, but I wasn’t allowed much time for reflection – her hand grabbing my cock and placing it on the inviting opening of her vagina surprised me out of my mind. I felt the sweetest wet and warm embrace around my glans. I slowly pushed further feeling the most amazing sensation of my life when I became fully surrounded by her vulva. I let out a moan like a hurt animal, but it was a sound of immense pleasure I had never experienced before. I thought “I am inside the woman of my dreams, a real classy woman, not some horny spotty girl that would fuck me for brunch behind the school” (not that I ever did that before at that time).
I felt her moving below me, pressing her ass to my belly, making me penetrate her deeper, which filled me with incredible sensations. I grabbed her hips and pushed forth strongly, felt her squeezing my dick with her vaginal muscles, making me insane with pleasure. I came in that instant, trembling in the most intense orgasm of my life; I pulled my cock, stained with sperm and vaginal fluids, out of her, still spraying out large streams of cum all over the sheets. I was in ecstasy and in shock at the same time; she finally turned around to me and took me in her embrace, my whole body trembling, “relax, boy, relax, it’s OK, it’s OK, ssshhh, it’s OK.”
I finally calmed down, and looked at her body, changed from sexual arousal - breasts that became a little bigger and with erect nipples; her pussy was still gaping wide open and being all flashy and sticky from our combined juices, her sweaty body felt very relaxed and I still read lust in her eyes.
“What can I do now, Tania?”
I got no answer.
I tried to caress her pussy, but she blocked my hand gently, “Don’t, it’s OK”.
I sat naked besides her lying on her back with closed eyes, breathing deeply. I watched her body affectionately and soon I was fully erect and aroused again. I took her hand and placed it on my throbbing cock. She looked surprised at me and started caressing it slowly.
I was overwhelmed by desire again and dived between her legs like a vulture, lacking any restraint or style. I went for her pussy like for an overly fresh peach, being split in two, covering almost my whole face when it spread open under my searching mouth. She spread her legs a bit more, giving way for my “research”.
I never licked a woman before. I was doing what felt right to me and what I remembered from the movies; my lust was guiding me and she moved beneath to place my tongue where she wanted. She grabbed my head and pushed it down on her and rubbed her pussy against my face, a move that made me ejaculate again. She didn’t let go of me, fucking my face stronger and stronger, moaning “sorry Sebastian, sorry, sorry!!” yet rubbing her clit against my nose and tongue wildly. In the midst of all that delirium I could still manage an amusing thought: “Oh no, you are not sorry, babe!”
Suddenly she clenched me with her long legs, my cheek bones almost hurting from the force, and pushing my face away from her pussy. Releasing myself from her leg’s grip, I saw her back arching in orgasmic spasms, while she was producing sounds that I never heard from a female before. I ran my hand over her pussy, causing another wave of spasms. She relaxed slowly and gently caressing her trembling belly I lied down next to her.
We fell asleep and I woke up in the middle of the night, confused, realizing what we just did a few hours before and not knowing what to do in this new and strange situation. I thought: Now we are beyond talking, the “damage” has been done. The bewildered stream of thoughts ran through my mind while I was deciding if I should run away from her place or just go back to sleep and let things take their natural course. I left a note to my parents that I will sleep over at my friend, which was nothing unusual at the time, so I didn’t have to worry that they would start searching for me or anything along that line.
She woke up, too, looked at me surprised and then smiled, “Hi there, sweetheart!” kissing me again affectionately she inquired naughtily with a soft low voice, “I hope I didn’t take your virginity, you didn’t act like it would be a first time for you…”
Should I tell her?
Posted Mon Jan 31, 2011 01:46 PM
Posted Tue Feb 01, 2011 07:59 AM
Thank you for posting it.
Nice. Happy that you're happy, hehe.
That's Schnittke, yes - but it could only be the score for that little part... For the rest of the "movie" it should be something like that: love and longing and delirium score or maybe Schnittke's Piano Quintet...
Posted Tue Feb 01, 2011 08:03 AM
Mhm, yes, maybe a bit like a movie script - I like to immerse into details and to really know the situation, go a bit deeper into the situation, the atmosphere... "The Reader", the first part of the movie was indeed quite erotic and I have a curious story connected to that: somehow it influenced my girlfriend when we went to see that movie - she got extremely horny when we got home and wanted to fuck me immediately and very wildly, which is something she doesn't do with such intensity too often. So, hmm, that was a curious coincidental compliment, to compare my little story to that film.
Posted Tue Feb 01, 2011 08:12 AM
Satie will do it for me. Funny you thought of him. I've posted this here, once:
He says it all. I prefer it a bit slower, but he's good!
Posted Tue Feb 01, 2011 08:23 AM
He says it all. I prefer it a bit slower, but he's good!
Yes, it sounds perfect on a guitar, too. I like Satie, and also Keith Jarrett's solo improvisations that can evoke similar mood.
This post has been edited by MrVortex: Tue Feb 01, 2011 08:24 AM