To Deny or Not to Deny
Posted Tue Feb 15, 2011 11:14 PM
Posted Wed Feb 16, 2011 01:06 AM
But as you probably know, it's kinda frustrating when you want him to be the one who initiates, even once in a while.
You have to talk to him about it though. Maybe more than once. I know that for the most part, I actually prefer to initiate most of the time (or maybe it's that I'm used to it), but sometimes it's nice to be the jumpee rather than the jumper.
Posted Wed Feb 16, 2011 08:32 AM
It also sounds like you are somewhat dissatisfied sexually anyway.
Only you truly know what to do as you have to live with the decision. Personally I would leave, you could find a future partner who could show you the love you need and be a great sex partner also.
I hope you find the answers you are looking for and good luck for the future.
Posted Wed Feb 16, 2011 08:53 AM
Posted Wed Feb 16, 2011 10:52 AM
This post has been edited by mr_curve: Wed Feb 16, 2011 10:53 AM
Posted Wed Feb 16, 2011 08:16 PM
About him being only 26 and should be wanting more sex is out the window cause he asked his doctor about it (went in for a variocele sp?) and his doctor said that's a normal number for him...Bullshit, but "doctor" said he's normal. Sex like I said is amazing when we do have sex, but I feel I'd be happy with once a week if HE initiated once and a while. And if my sex drive is that high, I don't see why maybe he can't give me oral or use a toy on me...he certainly gets random BJs every now and then. I'm assuming that doesn't happen because if he were to do that, it's more than likely lead to sex. Idk what to do really, I love him but I can't see how someone who supposedly loves me doesn't understand my problem.
Posted Wed Feb 16, 2011 08:32 PM
as backcheck says, you are only depriving yourself.
I would bail out of the relationship if you are unhappy with your mismatched drives at this age, it doesn't look too good for your future if you can't sort it out now.
I'm shortly divorcing because my sex drive never matched my husbands however, for 8 years, we had a very fulfilling sex life by compromising, then one day he just stopped having sex altogether. that was 24 months ago and he's not had sex with me since.
Hope thats a warning to you, I certainly have been through it and wish i'd bailed a lot sooner.
Posted Thu Feb 17, 2011 05:21 AM
He needs to understand this is not a small matter for you to complain about once in a while- make it a deal breaker, or at least a revision of the deal.
And any doctor who would dare to say what is a 'normal' amount of sexual activity is either incompetent or harboring a sexual prejudice- either a religious opposition to non-marital sex, or maybe he's only able to have it once a week himself, and chooses to view himself as normal.
It's like the scene from Woody Allen's film 'Annie Hall', in which a couple are with their analysts, who both ask "how often do you have sex?" The man answers "hardly ever- twice a week"; she says "god, constantly- twice a week!"
You need to stop denying yourself sex, and go get some more. If boyfriend can get with the program, great; otherwise, tell him
"from now on, I intend to have sex three times a week, every week. I'd prefer that it would be with you, but it will be three times a week"...
Posted Thu Feb 17, 2011 06:07 AM
Actually her husband wrote all her songs for her.
Posted Thu Feb 17, 2011 06:12 AM
Posted Fri Feb 18, 2011 09:32 PM
Posted Sun Feb 20, 2011 12:35 AM
I don't think you're a suitable couple from what you've said here, and you'd be best to part and find others that suit you both better x
Posted Sun Feb 27, 2011 02:38 AM
Posted Sun Feb 27, 2011 02:52 AM
Hope everything works out for you.
Posted Mon Feb 28, 2011 12:49 AM
Posted Mon Feb 28, 2011 02:54 PM
I agree that you need to really think about this issue because chances are this is how it will be after you are married (if you are headed in that direction with him). Also agreed it will likely become even less often as the years pass.
This post has been edited by playmate: Mon Feb 28, 2011 02:55 PM
Posted Thu Mar 03, 2011 03:43 PM
I am a guy who has your same problem. My girl is 100% what I want in every category, except that our sex drives are really pretty different. Not only am I totally in love with what she is on the inside, but I am totally and helplessly addicted to her bodys shape and form on the outside. We have been together for more than 5 years though, and so "the newness" is just not there. One of the things I like so much about our relationship is the relaxed feel of our relationship- the confidence if you will, that our love is solid. She still tries daily to show me how important I am, but usually does it in ways other than sex. I know that she loves me, I just want to remember how it feels to know that she wants me as well.
My main issue (and it is mine and not hers) is that because I am always wanting sex, I am always trying to keep it in mind to "tone it down" for her so I dont make her feel like I am nagging all the time or begging which would make me question my sexual worth. I could never stop telling her how sexy or beautiful she is, so she hears it constantly from me, but I do find myself VERY often denying my sexual urges with her. The reason that gets me into trouble is when I do ask or suggest sex, when she does turn me down (she always tries to do it politely if she has to) it makes me feel like shit.
The reason this scares me so much is that while I have had multipal LTRs lasting multipal years, I have never found anyone I have fit so perfectly with. I want to believe in loyal monogamous marriage, but I cant help but think that if I cannot find it with her, it might be a myth... I am kind of confused now because most of my guy friends all cheat once or twice a year with randoms- they say that with only that little bit of variety, it makes them feel like they are not 'missing anything' and then they can go back to their luke warm sex lives with their SOs and not mind it only being luke warm. I am hesitant to go that route because I fear losing my clear conscience as well as the great relationship (granted with luke warm sex) that I currently have. I just hope that you and I can both remember that just because the significant others that we have dont want sex with us all the time, that does not mean that we are incompatible, it just means we will have to find a compromise..
Posted Fri Mar 25, 2011 09:26 PM
its hard to have dif level sex drives. talk to him, ya dont wanna be recentful. i wuz with someone like this who didnt initiate and wuz plenty happy with weekly sex. in my case im single now and very happy sexually.
Posted Fri Mar 25, 2011 09:36 PM
Posted Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:12 PM