First 3 sum
Posted Thu Feb 17, 2011 02:36 PM
Posted Thu Feb 17, 2011 03:27 PM
This post has been edited by JustaboutNEthing: Thu Feb 17, 2011 03:27 PM
Posted Thu Feb 17, 2011 05:59 PM
Would 'Give me a call, and I'll bring a friend?' be considered good advice?
Seriously, there are a number of potential pitfalls you need to give serious thought to. You don't say (and neither does your profile) if you are in a relationship or not, so I'm going to assume for now that you are. Whether your SO is your husband or a boyfriend makes little difference, you will need to have very in-depth talk with them. Even if this was their idea, jealously could very easily be a major issue. You, and he, must be completely comfortable with your feelings towards each other. If you look around this site, you will see instances of relationships falling apart after engaging in threesomes, or other forms of non-monogamous sex even when both partners felt pretty comfortable with the concept. Consider these types of things...how would he feel if the other guy gave you better sex then he has ever done? For that matter, how would you feel? What how are you, as a couple going to handle any feelings of attraction that might develop after, whether you have them for the new guy, or he has them for you. Ask you SO to consider how he is going to feel watching you having sex with someone else if you are really enjoying it. A lot of guys have fantasies about sharing their wives/girlfriends, but rarely will they live them out in real life.
If you both 'pass' that step, then you need to really be clear and precise about what is acceptable and what isn't. You need to be clear on obvious subjects like whether you can/should engage in fellatio, cunnilingus, intercourse or anal with the second guy. But also consider other less obvious activities. Is it okay for you and the second guy to share a kiss? How rough can he, or you get with each other? Is a little slapping okay? How about choking? Can he ejaculate on you body? If so, where? Be creative when thinking of the possibilities, and make a list. Remember that one person's foreplay is another persons taboo.
What safe sex practices will you insist on? Who brings the condoms, lube and toys?
I'm assuming you already have a second guy in mind, and that he is probably a known to you already. So you'll need to be clear between you and your SO, about what future relations you might wish to have or not have. Is this a one off thing, or perhaps something that might re-occur?
Hopefully this gives you an idea of the types of things to consider carefully. Then all you need to do is to communicate these rules to the second guy and make sure he understands them fully. He might have a few rules of his own also, which you should respect as long as they don't compromise yours.
Finally, unless you are in a situation where you are sure that 'no means NO', you should select a 'safe word' that everyone will remember. Upon hearing you say this, everyone will instantly stop whatever they are doing.
I hope this works out well for you, as it can add a whole new spark to the bedroom. Many couples have threesomes or other outside sexual activities which add to and strengthen their relationships. But their relationships, I would imagine are usually pretty strong to begin with, and they are very open with each other when communicating. Good luck, and enjoy it.
And this is probably great advice too...
Posted Thu Feb 17, 2011 06:09 PM
Posted Thu Feb 17, 2011 06:56 PM
I hope that helps answer your question about the types of things to consider when thinking about having your first 3-some. Good luck, and have fun.
But your last comment leads me to ask you if you've already discussed this with them? I get the feeling now that you are considering the 3-some and are looking for ways to make it happen.
Posted Thu Feb 17, 2011 08:41 PM