I scream for ice cream
A blonde walks into an ice cream shop and asks for a scoop of chocolate. The brunette worker tells her they are all out of chocolate. The blonde comes back later and asks again for a scoop of chocolate ice cream. The brunette tells her, she doesn't have any chocolate ice cream, but the blonde doesn't believe her and asks to speak to the manager. The brunette asks the blonde if she can spell the 'STRAW' in strawberry? The blonde spells it correctly. The brunette then asks if she can smell the 'FUCK' in chocolate. The blonde begins to spell it, and stops, "Hey, there is no FUCK in chocolate." The brunette then says, "Exactly, THERE IS NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!"
The chicken was never this clever
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the Shell station
Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?
I want my MTV
A blonde walks into Best Buy looking for a television. The salesman walks up to her and tells her that the store does not serve blondes. The next day the blonde walks back into Best Buy with a red wig and asks if she could buy the television, but the salesman says to her again, "We don't serve blondes." Disappointed, the blonde takes off her wig and asks the salesman how he knew she was a blonde. The salesman replies, "Because this is a microwave."
Q: What does the blonde say to the doctor when she finds out she's pregnant?
A: Is it mine?
A helping hand
Two blondes and a brunette fell off a cliff, handing on to a rope for dear life. The rope was tearing from the weight of the three girls, so the brunette says, "One of us has to jump or we'll all die." The blondes looked at each other and decided the brunette should jump because she was the ugliest. The brunette jumps, but the two blondes let go of the rope when they clapped.
Buffallo Billy had a ten-foot willy
He showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake
So she whacked it with a rake
And now it's only five foot four
Take a seat
Men are like toilets, they're either taken, unavaliable, taking a piss or just full of shit.
Who dun it?
You know you're a redneck if your dog farts and you take the credit.
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning. When I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse is everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating!
Also, since he lost his job two years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is sit around the living room in his underwear and watch TV while I work to pay the bills.
And since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me. He keeps calling me a lesbian.
What should I do?
Dump him. You're a New York Senator now. You don't need him anymore.
The Blonde ABC's
Q: Why does the blonde have the biggest tits in the third grade?
A: Because she's 21
If you didn't know you were a redneck yet
You know you're a redneck if the door mat to you're trailer home doubles as a mud flap to your pick up truck.
Move Over Little Johnny
Little Mary always fell asleep at Sunday school so the nun asked him, "Who was our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny who sat behind her took out a pin and pokes her in the butt, making Mary yell "Jesus Christ!"
Very good says the teacher. Mary falls back asleep. So the nun wakes her back up and asks, "Who created the universe?" Little Johnny pokes her in the butt with a pin again, making Mary yell, "God Almighty!"
The teacher says very good. And unconvinced that Mary would stay awake, she asks Mary, "What did Eve say to Adam after giving birth?" Little Mary jumped out of her seat and yells, "If you shove that thing in my butt one more time I'm gonna break it in half and shove it down youre throat."
Q: Why do girls rub their eyes in the morning?
A: Because they don't have balls.
Blonde and Blonder
A blonde is in the middle of a cornfield sitting on top a sea-doo in a bikini when another blonde drives up in a car. The second blonde in the car yells to the blonde in the cornfield, "You moron!, you're the reason for all the dumb blonde jokes! If I knew how to swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"
After this post, I will post all of my jokes in this thread to make it easier to read all of the jokes that I have posted.
Page 1 of 1