Guilt or Pleasure?
Posted Sun Mar 13, 2011 05:04 AM
A few years ago while working with a girl, we hooked up one night, it was awesome, unexpected and perfect in every way.... except that neither of us wanted it to go any further. We where just more friends than anything else, even though the sex was amazing! So anyway we went our separate ways and have spoken on and off for the last couple of years. We both got partners but have remained friends. I recently split from my gf and when my friend heard this she offered to buy me a drink to catch up... one thing lead to another as it often does and we hooked up again. I`m still not interested in this girl for anything more than friendship but now I realize she is and I don`t really want to choose between starting something I don`t want and loosing/hurting a friend... Think I need to bite the bullet and tell her there is no future for us (don`t want to waste her time and I`m not going to use her for sex) but I`m now feeling guilty and it's dawned on me that there is a fine line between guilt and pleasure.
Advise sought and welcomed.
Posted Sun Mar 13, 2011 06:11 AM
I admire your honesty that's for sure.
Being upfront on what you want within your own heart and telling the girl you don't want to hurt her would be the best way to go I reckon.
Honesty even if it does hurt, is almost always the best way to go.
Can I ask what it is about the girl that you don't fin appealing or what are you looking for in a girl that she doesn't have?
Maybe it's something you can overlook or communicate on and get over that speed bump.
Maybe there could be a future but I don't know all the facts.
I'm just thinking outside the square and trying to help you anyway I can.
Let us know mate.
Posted Sun Mar 13, 2011 10:55 AM
In your case, it's only really subtle because you haven't actually done anything wrong to feel guilty about.
You had awesome consensual sex with someone who expressed no interest in a relationship, and what you're feeling now is concern that her desires have changed, and you don't want her to get hurt.
If you knew she wanted more and still carried on with no interest in a relationship with her and thought "screw her feelings, the sex is hot," THEN you would have something to feel guilty about.
As it stands, it's subtle for you because you feel bad for her without having done anything wrong.
That's compassion, not guilt.
Posted Sun Mar 13, 2011 12:19 PM
Posted Sun Mar 13, 2011 02:16 PM
Cheers Alexice25 and Mr_Curve, I think honesty will be the only option here. Sometimes its enough to consider celibacy!!!
Alexice25 I just don`t see her in that way, we are good friends and I`m not wanting anything more with her than that.... sadly I think once I speak to her it may be difficult to even be friends anymore!
Cheers peps x
Posted Mon Mar 14, 2011 01:14 AM
Cheers peps x
I think you have answered your own question mate.
The operative 'key terms' are all mentioned here.
If you sit down with the girl and explain to her your fears and wants in a relationship and above all 'you would rather hurt yourself' then her.
Then I think with a little bit of luck and patience she should understand.
If she has real desire for you, then she will do everything in her power to be with you and make you happy.
-> Life and most importantly 'Love' is all about compromise.
-> Not being selfish with one's own desire but doing what is best for the 'TWO' of you and not just 'YOURSELF'.
I wish you all the best brother.
All the best.
Posted Wed Mar 16, 2011 04:06 AM
Posted Thu Mar 17, 2011 04:35 PM
Posted Fri Mar 18, 2011 07:22 AM
Wished her luck and we are gonna stay in touch.
Just want to say thanks to the forum for your support. Its good to talk xx