Long Distance Relationships seeking advice
Posted Sun Mar 27, 2011 08:57 PM
How some deal with them and others dont is their own business, but I'd figured I might find some insight into my situation.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years total, we dated a year in high school and then went off to college and are halfway through our degrees a state apart. We are 3.5 hours away from each other. We each have made mistakes in college (neither of us were perfect), and have worked through them effectively.
Shes a great girl, and i do love her. However, lately Im not feeling the fire...things I feel are declining and our relationship is crumbling because we both are either busy or are preoccupied with the job search or academics. In addition I've notice more girls coming up to me talking to me on a fairly regular basis, which gets me excited and to be honest boosts my confidence. So how do I make this decision to move on?
But should I end a relationship that has its roots so deep because of a new found curiousity about what else is out there? Any suggestions?
and how would I end it and not feel like a complete asshole
Posted Sun Mar 27, 2011 09:17 PM
On the one hand, you're unlikely to find a relationship that strong again. From what you've said, the both of you are deeply in love and the mere ability to work through the speedbumps that you've experienced tells me that y'all have a very mature attitude and your relationship works very well.
On the other hand, you aren't feeling the same passion you used to. Long distance relationships are hard, and they really do tax your ability to feel connected to each other. Communication starts to break down, then the edges of the relationship fray, and eventually it comes completely undone.
It's not an easy choice, but I'd suggest stepping back and looking at your options from a purely objective standpoint. Maybe take a weekend off, get together, and discuss your options openly and honestly. Maybe the two of you can find a better solution that doesn't compromise your relationship, but doesn't keep it going in such a stressful manner.
The key here is to repair the relationship since you seem to have the basics down. Maybe if y'all sit down and plan your schedules such that you can have a few days every month to see each other, it won't have to end in a messy breakup.
If nothing else can possibly happen, the breakup should be brief, honest, and done with the intention to maintain a friendship between you, because honestly, you shouldn't lose her as a friend just because you might lose her as a girlfriend. Plus, there's always the chance of a relationship reforming after y'all graduate.
Posted Sun Mar 27, 2011 09:58 PM
You are describing the daily rigors of a relationship that wouldn't be so tedious if you slept in the same bed at night and had the weekends together...obviously, hence the title of your thread. Just call her and tell her exactly what you said here(except the part about the other women lol) and see how she feels, she may just feel the same way.
Posted Mon Mar 28, 2011 05:10 AM
But I will say this, there are two stages to a relationship,
The first stage is the stage where there is fire and passion, romance, sex, desire, need, and everything is fun and you can't stand to be away from your partner and etc etc etc
The second stage is the stage where the turbulence of the first stage settles, and you are either left with a stable relationship where there is love, and enough passion to keep you happy, and a desire to still be together, or you're not.
if you reach the second stage and you don't want to be together there is no point in continuing you're just wasting her time and stopping her from finding a man who actually wants to be with her.
Posted Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:00 PM
Posted Tue Mar 29, 2011 04:58 PM
Posted Fri Apr 01, 2011 03:44 PM
if you're young and inexperienced, it's all but impossible to maintain long distance.
If career and all that, let alone commitment to the separate schools rather than being together, then that's what matters more. Personally, real love trumps all.
In the end, your top priority will guide you.
But if you do manage to stay together and be together and marry and all that, from high school to the grave, going to college apart, you will be in a tiny percentage. You're in growing pains, plain and simple.
- take a hiatus/see other people
- cheat to satisfy your curiosity and get data
Note: in later life, jobs, commutes, kids, aging parents and health issues will make your current challenges look like a walk in the park, so either man up now, or strap on the boulder in 10 years or so.
In the end, it sounds like you've already left and are looking for a not-a-douchebag free pass online. It's cool. You're OK. It's normal. Move on if you like. It's what 20 year olds do. (And who's to say she isn't riding a pole at her school right now? Is it really school and job search, or man meat that has her occupied? It's a fair question. She's in the same boat.)
Posted Fri Apr 01, 2011 06:44 PM
Best thing i could say is, if you can still think about her every morning and it brings a smile to your face then its still worth it. i used to love nothing more than to see my girl waiting at the ferry port for me after a three month stint at college. if she makes you happy and you love her to bits when you see her and just the thought of her can make you smile then its still worth doing
I hope this helps.
Posted Sat Apr 02, 2011 09:41 PM