First some back story, I've been in a relationship for over two years now and she just recently ended it a couple days ago. It all started with me being distant this past week (more on that later) she started arguing with me and it came out that I don't know if I could ever marry her (I didn't think this was too weird as I'm only 23). She said there's no point if there's no future. She cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship (a few months in) she was drunk and regretted it so I continued dating her because I didn't want to leave her. This has been in the back of my mind and I always would wonder if we did get married would she get bored and cheat on me after 10 years or 20 years etc. I started off being the one chasing her but after she cheated the roles reversed and since then I think she has always felt more strongly for me than I did for her. This tore me up inside because I wanted to love her as much as she loved me but you can't force love. Well I felt guilty about this and wanted the relationship to end by her hand so that she wouldn't be as hurt as she would be if the relationship continued even further(I know how stupid this sounds). Well it did end and now she wants to get back together but I don't know if I should, and here's why:
Last Saturday one of my close friends died in a car accident. It really destroyed me, it hurt worse than anything else I've ever felt and it truly changed me. He left behind a huge family, giant circle of friends, and his on-again off-again girlfriend of roughly 5 years. This event drew us all together and I attempted to comfort her even though we never really talked before this. I told her I'd be there for her. We went to a couple memorial things together then she left for the weekend. I happened to be going to a nearby location over the weekend as-well so I asked her if she'd like to get lunch or something.
I texted her sunday morning, we had a little discussion and she told me her and her friend were gonna shower then they'd be on their way. She drove with her friend 30 minutes to come to a starbucks near me and have a coffee. We talked and laughed for a little bit then she left. I left to go back home and the drama started with my GF, we broke up and I started texting this girl for advice. She was very helpful, made it clear that she had been in my shoes and that she was happy to talk about it because it got her mind off of her boyfriend. She told me a few times not to push one way or the other and to just let things happen, but she also said that she saw something special between us, and that my gf was really hurt and I should take her back. She told me how her and her boyfriend could never get married because of differing religion and ideals, and that he always told her to take it one step at a time. She told me to hold onto her, that she wished she had one more day with her bf. She seemed very happy to talk to me at first but eventually her responses kinda slowed when my ex gf went through my phone and got mad that I had been talking to her. She said she didn't want me and my gf fighting over me and her talking. They used to be friends, they would hang out when me and my friend were together, so I think this could be part of why she wanted me to be with her, I think the other part is that she is kind of looking at me and my gf as a parallel to her and her bf. Throughout this all she has said some things that I couldn't quite pin down. She has also done some things that I would consider to be flirty (texting lots of 's and hehe's, and her body language tends to suggest that she may be into me looking into my eyes alot and such, also she said that she feels close to me through him). My gf texted her to ask her what was said about her and my gf told me that this girl instantly said "do you think I want (insert my name)" I texted this to the girl and she said "I didn't say it like that". I said "what do you mean" and she said "nothing, just don't let her go, u got a good thing." I wish that I could post all the text, but I dunno how to send them straight from my phone to my computer and I don't feel like typing out the 229 texts that have been sent over the past week.
I am starting to develop feelings for her, and this is another reason why I have not gotten back together with my gf because I would rather be in a relationship with this girl. I just don't want to come off looking like an ass, and there are soo many reasons why I totally am. For god sake my friend, her boyfriend, just died a week and a half ago and I already have feeling for his gf. I just can't help but like her, and I hope she feels the same.
Basically what I am asking is:
A. Am I a total scumbag for being able to move so quickly from a long term relationship to a relationship with my dead friends gf
B. Should I pursue her
C. Should I wait to pursue her
D. Should I tell her how I feel
E. Does it even seem like she likes me or am I just imagining it
F. Should I just get back with my ex
G. Was I right to feel guilty for not loving my gf as much as she loved me
I am so confused, I have no idea what to do. I truly do wish that it would have been me instead of my friend sometimes, I can't begin to tell you how guilty I feel about this entire situation. I still love my ex-gf, I just feel like she deserves more, and that I shouldn't be with someone if I have feelings for someone else. I wish I could erase the last 11 days of my life...
P.S. I have only been in 3 relationships, one lasted over a year one a few months and this one was my longest at nearly 3 years. I just don't want everyone to think I am a "player" or to hate me any more than this situation merits.
Thank you very much for any and all responses.
This post has been edited by CalypsoCoupe: Wed May 25, 2011 08:52 PM