If the one you love cheats on you
Posted Tue Jun 07, 2011 11:24 PM
Posted Wed Jun 08, 2011 01:31 AM
Posted Wed Jun 08, 2011 03:29 AM
Posted Wed Jun 08, 2011 06:21 PM
That's ahard question and I have definitely been there. I always said to myself that ifmy ex had cheated on me I would forgive her and find away to get past it. It'seven harder to leave when a child is involved. After 4 1/2 years, I found out she was cheatingfor 2 months in my bed with a good guy friend of mine while I was working 4jobs to support her and her daughter, I couldn't do it anymore. I wascrushed and coming from a small town where everyone knew us as a couple.....Ileft and started over, fresh, in so many ways. Now I couldn't be happier. I miss thatlittle girl to pieces and will always be there for her.
Posted Wed Jun 08, 2011 06:34 PM
Posted Wed Jun 08, 2011 06:59 PM
If she had done it one time, it may have been out of the situation... I know how that would feel. But if she's been seeing her or him for a long time now... I would really just end it. Because that would just tell me it was a matter of time until she broke up with me... since she's tired of me, apparently.
Anyhow... I think this is just my opinion and everyone should have their own way to take their decisions. Not copy other's. No?
This is hipothetical since I broke up with her long ago. Rather, she left me for different reason... but I still loved her. This is off topic haha.
Posted Wed Jun 08, 2011 07:01 PM
I would have to break up with him. I wouldn't be able to trust him any longer, and that's not a healthy relationship. It would be emotionally very painful, but I'd have to do it, and I'm sure he'd do the same thing if I cheated on him.
I haven't been in this situation, so I can't give you any information about how I've reacted in the past, but I'm sorry to hear that you've been through this several times.
Posted Wed Jun 08, 2011 08:21 PM
Schnoekums hun, let me turn the question around a little... Why do you think you often end up with someone who cheats on you?
I have always wondered why this is so. I don't cheat, never have, and as far as I know, I've never been cheated on. The way I see it, there aren't very many people who can maintain a truly monogamous relationship no matter what they say. I try to be honest with myself above all, so lately, I don't even pretend that I can be monogamous as I think I'm in a bit of a free-spirit mindset. Then again, I don't offer it so I can live with myself.
Having said that, I feel there are certain cues to character that you could consider when engaging in a new relationship. First, try to find someone who shows intelligence in the way they argument... For instance, people who confuse feelings with reasons are always a problem to deal with and will try to find ways to justify whatever they do no matter how bad. Then, try to find people who can generate humour out of no where, not out of other people... That's just mean.
Also check on how persistent a person is in terms to achieve their goals. Someone who's got no drive in life will practically change course in a whim for no reason at all. You want to be someone who's got the ability to solve problems with a certain independece of thought, and you can believe in their own decisions. I would say it is very risky to get emotionally involved with someone who doesn't know what they want or where they want to go with their lives.
This actually brings me to another trait that you need to look for in people. Happy people who are able to make the best with what they've got, and who don't seek happiness in acquisitions. You see, people who need things to be happy are doomed to disappointment because whatever material thing they want will only provide pleasure for a while, and then they will be bored and miserable again. To be happy, you need to work out towards meaningful goals and have the drive to achieve them.
Now, this I cannot stress enough how important decency and empathy are... You don't want to be with people who treat others badly. You want someone who's able to put themselves in somebody else's shoes before they engage in a behaviour that's going to affect others. Someone who has the ability to maintain friendships as well. Some people have incredible charisma but their group of friends is constantly changing... Endurance is important, so if they have a circle of a few good old friends rather and an number of passing acquaintances will have more staying power.
Finally, something I always inquire about when I relate to people is the kind of relationships they had with their family. I have not doubt in my mind that the first relationships of attachment set the mindset for intimacy. Intimate relationships require a measure of vulnerability that can only be present when someone is able to trust.
Well, I feel I'm giving a bit of unwanted advice here, so I'd better stop this long post...
Posted Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:28 PM
Posted Sat Dec 22, 2012 07:54 PM