Posted Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:22 AM
The man who I am seeing/having sex with is MUCH older than I am. He was married for 30 plus years and never used a condom during that time. I'm a safety girl and insist on them. Also, I'm not on birth control, and don't want to be. The problem is, he's never hard enough to get condom on. I'm assuming this is also due to his age, and weight. As soon as I start to put it on...down it goes. I've tried EVERYTHING. He's tried EVERYTHING. He's not comfortable with pills, so those options are out. We've managed once to get it on and in, but it only lasted for about 10 seconds. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm getting sick of oral all the time!
Please tell me there is hope, and other options that I'm missing!!!
Posted Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:42 AM
If he is able to 'perform' quite well receiving a blowjob or handjob then it likely it not his age or weight causing the problem with the condom. He has been conditioned not to use one and that is a tough thing to overcome. I have had a similar problem and choose ot use viagra, cialis or l-arginine to make it work. Condoms can be tough b/c you aren't getting direct stimulation.
Focusing on you....you say you are a safety girl. But I am not sure you realize that only using a condom is a fairly ineffective means of birth control by itself. For a man that gains and loses his erection easily with a condom on, there will likely be some fluid exchange between you and him in the way of precum. Unless he has wicked control there might even be some actual cum that gets exchanged due to a loose condom sometimes. This increases your chances of getting pregnant. Condoms can come off easily if lube of any type gets to the base of the condom and you are going at it. If there is anything left of your period the 'stickiness' can grab the condom and pull ilt off. Twisting and switching position, especially if he goes a little soft can also pull the condom off. In short, if safety really matters to you, I suggest you consider using a second form of birth control, a method that is 99.9% effective. It doesn't have to be hormonal necessarily but hormonal is a common option.
Consider what matters most to you and don't rely on a condom by itself with this guy. I am a lot like him and I can tell you they won't give a good enough safety profile.
Posted Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:57 AM
I understand that he's not use to the condom, and might never be. and that might be the problem. However, with blowjobs and handjobs he's still not 100% hard all the time. There are times where he is. Our first time, I was surprised that he came without being totally hard. That's why I made the comment about weight and age. He's thought that was it as well, and obviously the condoms add to the problem.
It's so frustrating.. I actually crave this man, unlike any other man I've been with.
Posted Mon Mar 05, 2007 12:13 PM
For his good health, losing bodyfat, doing more cardiovascular training, and eating right/stopping bad habits (smoking or drinking) are paramount. If you are going to be with this guy over the long-term, that should be very close to the top of his/your priority list. A lack of erectile function like that can be a sign of many other health problems. Lifestyle changes and a visit to the doctor are warranted. I'd have him go see a good endocrinologist for sure. Once the doc hears of his problem and does bloodwork etc, I have little doubt he will be afforded a Rx for viagra or cialis. To me it looks like he very much may need it.
That is a quick fix but may be needed no matter what. His doc may also determine that he needs hormone replacement therapy of some variety. In any event I still stand by my statement that if you want to prevent pregnancy, you will need at least one much more effective means of b/c than what you have. Even with viagra I'd expect he might still gain/lose it easily. If he has next to no precum, slippage is less of a problem and a condom is more effective fyi.
Posted Mon Mar 05, 2007 12:34 PM
He's one of the most stubborn people when it comes to doctors and pills. He was unaware that problems with erections were a sign of heart and other health problems until I told him. He did go to the doctor and had high cholestrol and blood pressure. He refused any medication and started to work on it himself. He went back a few months later and his cholesterol dropped considerably, and blood pressure was normal that time.
Now, it's just the weight. He's use to getting quick fixes (fast food) because of his demanding schedule. He has since stopped doing that. He was a big time athlete when he was younger, football, runner, etc. He's so stubborn that if he can't do it as well as he could when he was 30 or 40 or hell, even 50, he won't do it. His only wieght issues are around his belly which is carrying an extra 30 pounds. We all know that belly weight can be a sign of heart problems as well. I've actually been making him meals and bringing them to his work, so he's not tempted to run out. At night I make dinner creatively healthy so he'll eat it. The only problem there is, I've lost 7 pounds! I was already a little underweight! He's lost 8 pounds in the past month.
I know he's not comfortable with taking any pills so hopefully he'll stick to eating right and moving more and maybe that will help with our "problem" in the long run. I guess that's my only option right now...sigh.
Posted Mon Mar 05, 2007 01:27 PM
Posted Mon Mar 05, 2007 01:32 PM
Posted Mon Mar 05, 2007 01:40 PM
I gain and lose my erections easily. This happens when I am inside her sometimes too. But as long as I don't panic and stay in, I can start kissing her or looking at her or whatever, and get it back. A masturbation sleeve will trick his body into thinking he is inside a woman. Put it on a limp noodle and then just have him relax. Move it a little as he gets more turned on. His erection will naturally tend to get going well b/c his body thinks he needs to come and reproduce. I find I can achieve a fuller erection that way starting with absolutely nothing. I don't even have to work hard to do it. I like futurotic material for the sleeve.
Who knows he may also respond well to cock and ball restraints. Off the wall type of suggestion but it works for me. Also, look into various stretching/yoga type positions. The position his body is in mean a lot when it comes to getting hard. He may lose concentration when he is on top of you and has to support his own weight. You could try doing 69 and putting a condom on with your tongue. Don't bother with sex. Just get used to blowing him with a condom on and having your butt and pussy right in his face. That is another things that works incredibly well for me.
Another simple suggestion is to have him get off less frequently. That might make him blow his load in no time. But it might make it easier for him to stay hard too. Also do it in the morning. T levels are highest then. Use his morning wood. If he isn't getting morning wood, he needs to see a doctor if he did in the past.
Posted Mon Mar 05, 2007 01:49 PM
I get mine done with directlabs.com. You go in locally for a blood draw and they send it to the lab. Results are available online.
It would rock just to see where his free testosterone levels are right now. I think it is obvious he probably has some hormonal issues.
This guy is a former athlete and weight lifter. He can also train his PC muscles and probably wouldn't mind doing that. Also how much prostate stimulation have you gotten into. It would be good for his health if he were willing to let you help him with that.
Posted Mon Mar 05, 2007 01:50 PM
Hey, and any "off the wall" suggestion is appreciated. I've talked to two different doctors and I'm entering my prime about 10 years earlier than most women. So I'm desperate. He's mentioned not getting off all the time too, but I need something every day now so then he gets worked up and ends up finishing. Come to think of it, he comes very quick anyway. I have a ton of vibrators and use them during the day (I work from home, thank goodness), and he'll use them on me and its nice, along with oral and fingers. I just really want him inside of me. We've been together for awhile now so it's frustrating.
Posted Mon Mar 05, 2007 02:21 PM
He has a family history of prostate cancer, this is one doctors appointment he keeps. So since he's always poked he doesn't want me around there. I have no problem with it though. He's usually open to everything...not this though. I really appreciate your helping me with this...thanks!
Posted Mon Mar 05, 2007 04:00 PM
Yikes! I don't think I possess such talent! Worth a try, but I can't even get a visual on that...which is odd for me.
Posted Tue Mar 06, 2007 12:47 PM
I tried putting the condom on with my mouth last night. It was comical to say the least. So we just had fun with it all. He was really relaxed and got really hard. It didn't last too long, but we are making progress!
I mentioned all the ideas, and he's willing to try. If there are any more let me know!!!!!!!
Posted Tue Mar 06, 2007 02:15 PM
I would say this points to it being largely mental, which is totally understandable and totally ok. So going on that premise here are a few suggestions.
1) cock ring. I would highly recommend a adjustable elastic one, do not go metal until you are more experienced with them and have a firm idea of size, etc.
2) have him only accept stimulation either from you or himself when wearing a condom. This sounds really weird, but trust me, a few weeks of only getting stimulation through a condom even during masturbation does the trick.
3) Did I mention having him practice masturbating with a condom? Funny things happen in the brain, if you only orgasm when wearing a condom, after a while you'll start getting turned on by the idea of wearing one..
4) put a small amount of rubber safe lubricant at the very tip of his penis before you roll the condom on. You have to be careful to only put it on the tip so that the condom doesn't get fully lubricated inside, but with this simple trick done correctly it is actually kinda hard to tell you have a condom on once you get inside and 'warmed up'.
Good luck, stop worrying about this problem and have more goofy sex fun! I think older guys can get worried about performance with younger women easily, do everything you can to make him feel comfortable and desired.
Posted Tue Mar 06, 2007 09:25 PM
How about any ideas on how to get the darn condom on? It seems as soon as the condom goes near him he drops half of his "hardness" and then I'm dealing with extra skin, and making it impossible to put on. It doesn't matter how excited he is before hand, it's that split second he knows it coming. I've tried everything tonight. I've even tried to keep him hard while trying to get it on him..."surprising" (not shocking) him with it.
Posted Wed Mar 07, 2007 08:46 AM
His constant need to be in control (in his life) wouldn't allow that...lol
OK, need opinions. Is there any condom better than another for a man? Are some too thick? Are there any that actually feel better for a man? last question, I promise. Thanks.
Posted Wed Mar 07, 2007 08:49 AM
Miss pussy willow said:
Thanks...I've actually heard that a lot lately. We are such oppisites its amazing. Not a single person thinks he's anything but my father when we go out. So I lay kisses on him and sit back and watch the reaction. it's funny. I also look really young for my age.
Can't get rid of him though. "the old meat" does far too many other amazing things with my "pussy", and he's wonderful!